Found this interesting idiom: Close but no cigar.
It somehow would be a very nice title for an album or would make a very nice poster.
Basically the idiom means to be very close to accomplishing a goal but fall short. And because tomorrow would be the last day of 2009, I am safely betting there’ll be a lot of us here who would be getting no cigars. I mean, how could you complete your resolution in just one day, when it has taken you to a whole year of no progress?
Most of the things I put down as resolutions I have never achieved or completed. It continued for long years until I realized that the reason I never got to do them was because it is written down. Therefore I changed my tactic: After completing each awesome goal, I would check it off as this year’s resolutions. Therefore, I always have great, ticked resolutions by the end of the year – no pain, no hassle, and bummer proof.
One of my completed resolutions this year is an afterthought: Grow my hair long. I’ve been letting it go wild and uncombed for almost 12 months and only realized how long it’s been when everyone I met told me so. Went to my hairdresser – who always pesters me to do an Afro – and he chopped off a large chunk of it because they’re so out of fashion. I never knew my hair was ever IN fashion.
I’m completely happy with 2009. The whole of 2009 feels like the fourth quarter of 2008: gratefulness and acceptance. With the both of them comes complete happiness. I think my life is pretty blessed, and I can say that with every down I have or get, I know there is a reason behind it. Not matter how awful. I have faith in being grateful.
When I wrote an entry somewhere around this time of the year last year, I had just gotten in a relationship. The relationship was totally like what they say in the movies and books: it happened when I least expected it, with the most unexpected person. It is also the kind of relationship with a lot more pitfalls and risks than the normal relationships, and our issues are always something serious and depressing. We didn’t have time to argue about why we didn’t call or who was that girl. With this relationship, I learned to be accepting. We had to fight hard with society’s stereotypes and perceptions, and also brave through hairy ordeals you only see in Oprah. Having been unattached for 4 straight years, I was FUCKING NERVOUS about the turnout of this one. Would I fuck it up? How long will it last before the ship sinks? I am afraid to celebrate every additional month we managed to stay with each other, afraid of ‘jinxing it’. I put it more hard work than anyone else combined I’ve had more than 3 people telling me I am a ’sweet girlfriend’. Sweet – and I was a monster before. Here’s hoping for more years together.
If you’re having a bad year – relish the fact that it’s going to end very soon. Don’t feel discouraged – we’ve all been there at some points in our lives. Just because it’s been a bad year, doesn’t mean that it’s going to govern the rest of your life. I’ve had a lot of bad years – 2004, 2005, 2006 and 2007. I gave up every and felt depressingly hopeless every July of these years and by December felt a burning hope of making the next year alive and kicking. Then the process repeats itself. It was fucking tiring. And then I decided to scrutinize my life and why it’s so morbid: I was literally swimming in my own guilt and loneliness and always got angry whenever things didn’t happen the way I wanted to (or back then, I coined it as when ‘things fucked up’).
I made my first step to change:
1) I decided that my life is going to be better. Yep. Making that decision is basically the BEST thing that I’ve done in my life. and it’s easy too – just make a decision. Too much of our lives is burdened by guilt and remorse of things that could be changed once you make a decision. your boyfriend is an asshole? Make the decision to leave him. You wish you could lose weight? so many decisions to make there – cut out sugary drinks, take the steps instead of elevators, go jogging at least once a week.
2) Stick to the decision. Now here’s the time to finally be an asshole without paying for it. Stand tough and firm on your decision. Stare down at it until it backs down and you win. I stared down at my unhapiness and negative thoughts long and hard, stood to my ground until I burned a hole in the floor from digging my heels too hard and deep.
3) Accept, and let go. Sometimes, things don’t go the way we plan. Make it most of the time. Yes, it’s sad, yes, it’s horrible, but bad things do happen. There’s nothing you can do about it. Unless there is, which you need to look back on #1. Always exhaust your alternatives and plans first, then if there are none, let go. This year I found out that I have a disease that has no cure. It’s not serious or fatal if treated and handled correctly. When I found out about it, I literally went into a shock for a few minutes. I can’t believe it. and neither could people when i told them. “But you’re so healthy and slim!” Right, well, shit happens. Crying about it won’t change anything right? But I can decide to be ok about it and plan my meal and diet properly.
blablablablbalbalblaba. I didn’t mean to turn this into a Wold Health Organization brochure, so I’ll just end it here. enjoy the last day of 2009, and don’t just hope that 2010 is going to be a good year – make it! Remember, you yourself is only responsible for your life and NO ONE ELSE is.
Adios.
